So, to sum it up.
The first trimester was like riding on a kids mini rollercoaster where I barely fit into the seat and the ride just keep repeating without asking if I wanted to get off. The rollercoaster was also playing tacky elevator saxophone music and smelled like cheese-steaks, frozen-yogurt, pizza and lunchmeat that I couldn't eat.
So how was that you ask?
Well I'd be a fool to tell you it was anything but amazing! (Can you tell I'm writing this from a much better place now, and not currently stuck on that roller coaster??)
We found out really early that I was pregnant, I believe I was 4 weeks and the ride started at 6 weeks. We also told our family right away, but I'll have a post about why we decided to do that later.
First Semester Documentation
Look how thrilled I was in this obligatory bathroom selfie (side-note: actually seeing the toilet in this picture is just weird, I'm obviously not a pro and didn't know to close the doors to create a nice little backdrop.) This is the day after I found out and I'm trying as hard as I can to rationalize that I already have a bump at 3/4 weeks. Turns out I was just bloated from an unhealthy diet ;) I felt like I just had to do one of those pictures though! I'm thankful I did because things went downhill after that and I had no interest in the least to document that time period by photo.
But on a positive note, I survived. So what are my thoughts looking back?
I shut down my shop for three months and had to rely completely on my husband to make dinner, grocery shop, and do pretty much everything as he started his second year in law school. I never liked to ask for help and I pride myself on being independent and constantly busy. The dependence I built on him was something I should have built much earlier, the trust in him that grew (when I didn't know it could) is something I am SO eternally thankful for and I know we will be better parents because of it.
As crazy as it might seem, especially to those of you in the middle of it, I actually do have to say that I'm really thankful the first trimester was hard. I was forced to slow down. I was forced to spend time by myself thinking and seeking the Lord. I was forced to rest and understand the necessity of rest.
The Lord knows us. He knows I wouldn't have stopped, I would have kept going, I would have pushed harder with my Etsy shop and everything else in my life so that I could "get ready" according to what I thought was best.
When I look back, I kind of laugh and I'm glad because I say "Yup, Lord - that was literally the ONLY way to give my body the rest it needed." He knows us so much better than we know ourselves. The one or two days I did need to go into my office for work I pushed myself way too hard and was physically sick and sore for days afterwards. It's hard at the beginning to realize the gravity that a little human is inside you and needs you to put their needs first and that means resting while they suck up all your energy. :) You can get so caught up in keeping up with the pace of the world because you don't "look" pregnant and most people don't know!
I realized how important it is to rest and refuel your body, and for me initially it was physically - but soon progressed to spiritually. When you're body is exhausted and you're not able to get up or move, you find new things to occupy your now seemingly endless "free" time. For me that was picking up bible studies that I had started but not finished and just being able to take my time in them without the normal pressures of my busy life that seemed to always take precendence previously. Building this tiny routine when I wasn't feeling well helped build the desire to find a way to make this work when I was feeling better. Had I not been forced to slow down I would likely not be making as much progress as I am incorporating studying the Word into my daily schedule.
Now, let's have an honest moment here - had I written this blog post during my first trimester - I'm not sure what it would have said - probably nothing positive at all and in all capital letters it may have only said WHEN WILL THIS END?!?!, but that's why I waited until now to hopefully encourage someone instead of commiserate. (We of course can do that too!)
And then, of course, feeling her start to flutter around at about 13 weeks (crazy it was so early) made me literally forget everything about the endless nights awake crying and just staring at the ceiling. I phsyically can't even recall what it felt like beyond knowing it happened.
You'll get through this - rely on the Lord, seek Him, be thankful for the miracle He's given you to take care of for Him and remember that it all will end and that you're stronger for it.