Ethiopia Adoption Ethics, Late Night Talks & the Black Sea

Several months ago I posted about a potential shut down of adoptions in Ethiopia or at least changes to reforming their system.When we heard they may shut down to corruption and/or to implement more ethical processes, we were heartbroken. Although this was really frightening for us at the time it also served to open our eyes to the larger orphan crisis in Ethiopia and our place in it.

Once we started this process I felt like we started looking at adoption as a very individualized process - as a set of parents adopting a child. We focused on our one future child, wherever they may be. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, just an observation. When there was talk of shutting down international adoption in Ethiopia - we very clearly related this to OUR future child and that's why it was so scary.

This "scare" caused us to start researching why international adoption in Ethiopia was such a controversial topic. We came across stories of mistreated children and of unethical adoptions that were revealed once the children were home and provided information several years later. Now, there will always be evil in the world and I recognize that. Whatever your search terms are in Google - you'll find it. If you search ethical adoptions you'll find plenty, if you search unethical adoptions you'll find plenty. Our only respite here in searching through the noise of the world is knowing that we are relying on God to lead each step in this journey. Now, we didn't take for granted the information that we were finding or experiencing first hand in reading agency communications and Ethiopian government documents regarding the potential shut down, we recognize that the Lord is capable of revealing information and wisdom to us. Sometimes it can be difficult to discern what is Godly wisdom and what is the "knowledge" of the world. That is where prayer, patience, and not being quick to judge or make decisions are so important.

Now, I don't want you to think this is a pro-adoption, anti-adoption, pro-Ethiopia or anti-Ethiopia post. This is a post about our personal adoption journey and where and how we feel the Lord is moving us and encouraging us personally.

Over the past few months we have felt convicted about our request for a "healthy" infant 0-2 years old from Ethiopia. We can see the unofficial waiting list of our agency and how many families have this same request. We also know that it is a well known fact that many agencies have long lists of families specifically requesting 0-2 healthy infants. Maybe you didn't know this. If we know, and those in the adoption world know, surely those on the ground in Ethiopia know that this is a popular request. Let me also say that many agencies do not allow families to adopt out of birth order and many families are not approved for this - so they can't request anything older than a 0-2 year old child until their children at home are at least 6 months older than this. So, I get that. But for us, that's not the case.

We can't help but feel that being on a waiting list for a healthy infant that is expected to last for 4 years may be contributing to the problem. It is really difficult for us to look at a waiting child list of several children who are older or HIV+ or with developmental delays that are being passed over while parents wait for a healthy infant. Why are agencies still accepting applications from families (like us) who request a healthy infant, when in reality the need is for families that are open to adopt older and/or special needs children? What message are they sending? Maybe it's because once families start the process they often change their request, like we are considering now. I'm grateful we were accepted, I have conflicting thoughts. When we turned in the application I truly believed that there was an immediate need for a healthy infant 0-2. However, waiting 36-40 months means this child isn't born yet. Why then, am I not spending the same amount of money to ensure this child doesn't become an orphan and am assuming that they will become one? It's a convicting question to ask. I also know that not everyone's heart is moved in this particular way and that the Lord has different plans for all of us, I don't question anyone in regards to that or their request. I just pray that families in the process will keep their hearts truly open to the Lord's call to protect and provide for orphans and pray for discernment in determining their path.

When we first started this adoption journey we narrowed it down to two particular agencies we were interested in. The first agency's Ethiopia program was closed but I had a great talk with someone from their agency. They recommended their Bulgaria program. At the time I didn't think twice about this program and we chose the other agency. I honestly don't think we would have started this journey if it hadn't been in Ethiopia and we have learned some very specific things through struggles and steps specific to the Ethiopia process.  I also think I would have always second guessed our decision and wondered "well what would it have been like in an Ethiopia program?!" We've been really going back and forth about this decision, but realize that we are slowly being pushed out of the Ethiopia program. Last night we sat at our favorite fast food place, and the only thing in Williamsburg open past 9pm, Cook Out, and talked about the potential move to a Bulgaria program. I specifically felt that we needed to seriously pray about the children on the current waiting list that do not match any family's requests before we'd officially consider leaving. This was a really difficult thing to consider as many of the children have serious medical disabilities, are older and/or are HIV positive. As we sat there discussing, it was amazing to see how much more open we were to different children than our original request of a 0-2 year old infant. This is a perfect example of how important the process itself is. I felt particularly "upset" about one child and I wanted to seriously consider them although their age and medical needs really didn't line up anywhere near to our resources and where we are in life right now. I felt hopeless for this child and felt that we could be their last hope.



We left Cook Out feeling a little confused wondering if our hearts were really stuck on this child for a reason and if so, why, it really seemed impossible. Was this the next step for us in our journey? It was a cold rainy night, really late for our local Williamsburg neighbors, and a van drove by us with the license place BLK SEA. Now, this might not seem like a big deal to any of you, but Bulgaria is on the Black Sea and we really felt really moved when we saw that! (We also joked that maybe their last name was the Blksea's and we'd meet them one day and laugh! :))

At first I was confused again, here we were talking about children who not a single family in our program was currently interested in or able to handle and trying to consider them or find a potential way to make something work, really pushing ourselves to find a way to help these kids, and then we see something leading us in a different direction. What I think was a really important lesson here is that we were starting to think that we could be a child's only hope. That if we didn't get them, they had no chance. This isn't true. We essentially were saying that we didn't think our prayers were enough and that we had to take action in our own hands. Did we not trust that God was taking care of these children or had a plan and family picked out for them? It's hard not to rely on our own "understandings" but that evening's conversations and the license plate we saw really brought a lot of peace to us. We have hearts for the orphans all around the world but we also have complete trust and faith in the Lord that he is watching over each and every one of them and we need to wait patiently for our part in the plan.

Like I said earlier, every part of this journey is part of the Lord's plan for us, our hearts are more open than ever to orphans, whether we adopt from Ethiopia or not, Ethiopia is a big part of our adoption journey. Our little one is out there somewhere -we are praying about where to go or where to stay in order to find them.

We are attending an informational webinar on a Bulgaria program next week. We shall see!


I'm loving this song right now.
And I love to link to Etsy shops.
This print is from: DesignsbyHilary.

Adoption Updates: Changes in Ethiopia?

It's been a month or two since the last update on our adoption journey so it's time for an update. We just got back from visiting family in Alaska and while there, when we finally found a few minutes of cell service, we saw a flurry of facebook comments from fellow waiting families in our adoption agency and emails regarding trouble in Ethiopia and a political meeting that had taken place regarding the status of adoption in the country.

Over the past weekend there was a multi-day meeting held by the House of Representatives in Ethiopia along with Ministry of Women's, Children's and Youth Affairs (MOWYCA) officials. A research paper was presented that was prepared by Parliament and MOWYCA. After the presentation the group of nearly 400 stakeholders split up into groups to discuss the issues presented - 7 of the 15 questions related to adoption. Our agency reported that many Parliament officials strongly lobbied to close international adoption in Ethiopia while many other participants lobbied for finding ways to increase domestic adoption, while still leaving international adoption as a good means for the current children in need. At the end of the meeting, the speaker of the House of Representatives commented that there are many conflicts of interest with government officials and adoption and overall did not speak positively of international adoption. He stated that they would present a strategic plan regarding international adoption in 10 business days.

At this point, it hasn't been 10 days and we are still waiting to hear what the future of international adoption in Ethiopia will look like. Our agency is hopeful that they will not shut down adoption but instead will create a plan for reform. As to what this plan will look like and what it means for families waiting, we aren't sure. Recent news stories have also discussed changing age limits and minimum requirements for adopting, which could certainly affect us.

A lot is at stake here for the families in our program that have been waiting for years on end and for the little ones who could get stuck in the middle of this without forever homes in Ethiopia. We're asking you to pray for the government officials and that  they find compassion for the children currently in government run orphanages who truly need a home and that any plans they make will not keep the children stuck in these orphanages indefinitely. Christmas in Ethiopia is celebrated on January 7th - and as they enter the Christmas season and begin their numerous celebrations to remember Christ's birth we hope that these officials seek the Lord when making decisions for the future of their children and their country, whatever that may be. While reform is certainly needed and corruption is happening, we hope a plan will be put forth that continues to improve the process and find these children homes.

Adoption is a politically and emotionally charged topic in Ethiopia, like it is across the world. Elections are coming up soon and politicians are being lobbied on both sides of the spectrum. Additionally recent news regarding international adoption in Ethiopia has been in a very negative light, a film was shown about unfortunate cases of unethical adoption and children who were adopted and mistreated. Some officials and individuals in Ethiopia believe it would be better for Ethiopian children to remain in Ethiopian orphanages than to be adopted internationally. And while we certainly agree that domestic adoption should be emphasized and encouraged among Ethiopians, this isn't an overnight fix and the children stuck waiting in orphanages shouldn't be left there to wait this change out.

When I think about the last few months and how we were led to adopt one of the strongest memories that comes to mind was from a wise friend who told me it was all about the process, regardless of the end results. Even in such a short period of time, I certainly agree. Over the last few months we've come much closer to eachother, had amazing conversations with family and friends and most importantly strengthened our relationship with God. In an extreme way, adoption really forces you to put every aspect of the process in God's control. In so doing, it challenged us to think about other aspects of our life that are more common and comfortable that we may or may not let God have control of.

Pray also for us as we continue to seek the Lord in this process and understand if this is a door closing for us at this time or if this just the first of many scary times in this process where we need to trust God's plan for us and his timing. We pray that he makes our next steps clear for us.

Thanks for all your love and support friends! We'll update more when we know.

Link with info from our agency: http://adoptedbydesign.typepad.com/blog/2014/01/fast-pray-for-ethiopias-orphans-january-9-11.html

DIY Paper Flower Wall Take 2: The End Results

So, the second take of the paper flower wall was finished a few months ago...but since the news our of adoption we've been pretty tied up in paperwork and I haven't had the chance to update with pictures!

I was contacted by someone who had seen my original paper flower wall on my blog and asked if they could use it for an adoption party they were throwing for a friend. Now this was before adoption was on our hearts and looking back I think this is so cool :). What I do know is that even though we needed the money I offered to make a brand new wall for them to use for free and I'd eventually use back in my office. When I was up at 4am multiple nights in a row I questioned this decision (HA) but I am so happy with how it turned out, how it's first use was at an adoption party, and I'll always look at the wall that is now hanging in my office and constantly be reminded of our adoption journey and the many others that are out there.

So, below are photos taken at the event that I received in return for supplying the wall :) I love how they used it. This wall was three canvases and they hung them from the trees in the yard. What do you think?! Obviously these girls know how to throw a party, the table is beyond gorgeous!

Event Planners: www.fleurishevents.com

Photography: www.sweetrootvillage.com

And here is the wall in it's new home at my office:

Thrift Thursday.....Say CHEESE!

I'm sure my mom's loyal followers were disappointed to see a Thursday go by without a Thrift Thursday post, and that is entirely my fault as we were travelling. Sad thing is, I received one of the best posts from my mom with her weekly installment. So, two weeks later here it is. This gives smile for the camera a whole different meaning.
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Well here we are, it's Thursday and I'm sure you're wondering what this week in thrift has to offer.  Not to worry, I won't disappoint,  or shall I say those that donate won't disappoint!  I have found that my heady interest in "how the brain works" has been peaked since navigating the isles of random stuff that people all over the globe have put good money to!!!!  This is what I often refer to as "good money gone bad"!  Is there any chance that 90% of what's in these stores were once actually purchased as prank gifts or what some might call white elephant gifts?  If that were the case, then we have what I would consider a global crisis.  One aspect of the crisis, is for us to consider the individuals/companies who are producing these "things", the other side is to consider those who bought them!  What we do know is that only a fraction of people take the time to donate their "goods", the rest bag them and put them on the curb.  So ... Al Gore, stop spending so much time worrying about eliminating plastic water bottles ...take a closer look at what that trash really is at the landfills!  You might just spot some of your own Al Gore bobble heads from your movie promo in there!  Moving on, so for the 10% of items that are worthy , I refuse to bore you with those.  Instead, the item I am featuring this week clearly proves that some people clearly don't understand why a donated item is donated.  Just to be clear ... a donated item is to be passed on so that someone can reuse, repurpose, regift or for that matter reshove into their closet for redonating in the future.   Got it?????  There are some things that obviously should not be donated ... NO ONE would want to buy it!!!!  I am stunned for two reasons on this one.  I won't even bother with the first reason, but the second reason is what was the crew in the store thinking when they unboxed this and priced it????????   Just in case you're not sure what your looking at .... it's someones dental impressions ... I was left Speechless!!!!   

Ethiopia Adoption: Paperwork Updates

Happy October! Pumpkin time :) Of course we didn't pick the traditional orange pumpkins but we found this little creature and we painted it:

So, the paperwork is pretty intense but surprisingly not as bad as I imagined at this point. I'm sure it will get worse ;) We've sent back about 80% of the paperwork they need for our home-study. Then there are various things we have to wait for like background checks, driving records, child abuse registries, etc. But we were fingerprinted and sent all of the requests in. So that is probably where we will see a big wait as we have to wait for records to be checked and then sent back. Going through this I have so much empathy for military families who decide to adopt as you need all sorts of background info etc. from every state you've lived in!

We also started our first online class that we need to complete, it's called "Because They Waited" and it is through Heart of the Matters Seminars. We just finished it this weekend after watching a module every few nights around midnight when we finally had a minute to slow down. They've talked about the consequences on brain development for children that spend time in less-than-optimal care and what can be done for these kiddos when they come home. There are so many really simple things you'd normally never pay attention to, or that traditional parenting books would tell you never to do, that you have to consider and do when you have an adoptive child. I can't decide if it's harder as first-time parents or an added benefit because we're starting with a clean slate and don't really have our previous experiences we'll have to either change or adapt. Probably both.

One of the saddest things they were talking about is how some children came come home and can be extremely quiet, "out-of-it," or seemingly complacent.  One woman gave an example of how everyone told her how great her baby was because she was so quiet and didn't make a peep, however now when she looks back she realizes that that was how her baby was panicking by disassociating and just being "quiet." To think of a little teeny one internalizing all of their fear and knowing that crying is useless since they aren't used to having their needs met is really heartbreaking! At our orientation (more about this later) we were told a story about walking into an orphanage that was completely quiet and what a terrible experience this was. If you think about how unnatural that would be, and what that really means, it makes my stomach hurt. :( 

We're about to start another seminar which is actually free through the month of November for anyone to take, and if any family members or friends want to take it, you should think about it. They are offering it for free for November which is National Orphan Awareness Month. You can find it here. After our online seminars are finished, we  have to read a book and answer a few questions about it: The Connected Child. 

Last but not least, we talked earlier about how this adoption process is really a chance for us to share our faith in God and His hand in this process and that has been really awesome these past few weeks. Whether it be friends, family, colleagues, etsy-friends (yes they get their own category) or whatever, we've had some really great conversations with people when they ask us why we're adopting. We've had people say, "you know I didn't have the courage to do it, but I'm really going to pray about it now," or "even though we don't know eachother outside of a professional environment, could you email me and let me know your story and whatever you want to share - I really want to know more," or "I totally believe in God and his plan for you and I'm so glad I can talk with you about this now, never realized I could." Honestly, probably 2 out of 3 people have said something of the sort to us and that has been really awesome to experience.

Thrifty Thursday.....Say Whaaaaat!!!!!!!! "Post Traumatic Concrete Drop Syndrome"

If you didn't catch the first installment last Thursday, welcome to our latest installment. Weird thrift store finds by mom super-thrifty mom: Thrifty Thursday........Say Whaaaaaaaaat!!!
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Well itsThursday and another fabulous thrift store find to share.  This one not only caught me by surprise but had me backup in the isle to look a second time just in case I didn't get what it was the first time around.  I think this is a great physical example of how the thrift store process works, so bare with me as I fill you in.  

Lets get a quick once over of what most likely goes down behind the scenes.  First, someone carefully wraps and boxes their donation in hopes that someone else will appreciate their once loved treasure.  Second, it gets dropped off at their donation center of choice and placed in the hands of the crew that works there.  Here's where the rubber meets the road ... This is where I begin to unravel the mystery of what happens in the back room of my local thrift shops and most likely yours too.  As I wander the isles of the thrift listening to music piped into the store and humming to some of my old time favorites, behind the scenes the crew is opening those carefully packaged boxes filled with awesome treasures!!!!  Now it's time for these once loved treasures to be put to the 3 foot drop on the concrete floor test.  There's nothing quite like the sound of glass, china, pottery, etc. etc. hitting concrete!  As you can imagine or certainly as I do, how many amazing things never actually make it to the store shelves and for that matter I am in awe of the things that do!  

Back to the process ... Apparently, once it is determined that it is shelf worthy, an incredibly annoying super sticky sticker (which often takes the finish off of wood, metal, art and so on) is placed randomly on the item with a price that is determined by what most likely is osmosis.  

So here we are, this weeks find.  This bunny surely was once a happy and possibly funny bunny, with ears I might add, in someone's home!  However, now it appears to be suffering from what most likely is PTCDS (post traumatic concrete drop syndrome).  No, I didn't buy it and yes it remains on the shelf for someone to .... purchase it?????????  I remain confused on where things go from here!

Ethiopia Adoption: The Paper Chase Begins!

Wow! We met our family coordinator who will be our contact helping us through the adoption process, she seems great and emailed us a very long email of things we need to do now.

They say this paper chasing process takes anywhere from 4-6 months to complete, now I can see why! The paperwork that we compile over the next few months is called the "dossier" and includes all kinds of vital records, financial information, personal information and our homestudy. As soon as the paperwork is complete and approved we then begin our wait. It's estimated that it will take between 30-36 months to receive a referral for a child, and that is AFTER we submit the dossier to the Ethiopian government. So we could be at the 4 year mark! But that's ok :) I love the intro page and what it says: Welcome to the "Paper Pregnancy!"

For now we are both ordering our passports and new copies of our birth certificates and beginning to read over all of the forms. We also registered for our first online class that we're required to take.

We knew there would be a lot of paperwork, but with everything being online these days, you really just don't understand how much until you print it out. This gave us such awareness at how quickly things can be done now with the internet. Imagining a million face-to-face visits and picking up documents and bringing them back, etc. sounds crazy!

Our binder is already full with over 200 pages of documents to sign and go over...also yes, that is a bear-skin rug coaster for my pitcher of orange juice :)

In other news... we were talking about how we really didn't know anyone who has adopted a child and specifically from Ethiopia. Later that day a friend messaged me introducing us to a close friend of hers that adopted a child from Ethiopia and is in the process again now, so that was wonderful timing on God's part! We have to attend an orientation at our agency and we'll hopefully meet other families in our area adopting at that time also.

We also received such kind words and encouragement from close friends (and also those who we don't stay in touch with that often) at just the right moments when we needed it. Including a note that said this:

I just finished reading 1 Peter and chapter 5 verse 2a says, "Be shepherds of God's flock that is under
your care, watching over them not because you must, but because you are willing."

Perfect.


Next step: awesome self-pics when we turn in each and every single piece of paperwork. One "selfie" per form, get ready friends!! On a more serious note, we'll be posting what we are required to read and watch in case any family or friends want to read or watch along with us and know what we are learning and discussing.