I can't fathom going through this adoption process without the internet and current technologies. Since beginning the process in September of 2013 I think I may have honestly read every blog out there about adoption. Through my virtual explorations I've been angry, distraught, challenged, excited, inspired, you name it.
Like anything, you can find amazing resources online and extreme propaganda as well. As the amount of information on the intenet expands each day we are charged even more so with learning how to decipher this information and search for the truth amongst pages and pages of noise.
Listed below are a few of the challenging commentaries or series I've read that have really pushed me. If anyone following along is interested in our journey and what we've been thinking over the past few months I'd encourage you to read. I don't necessarily agree or endorse every word written in these articles but together they illustrate how we are feeling now.
http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2013/05/14/examining-adoption-ethics-part-one
http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2013/05/20/examining-adoption-ethics-part-two
http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2013/05/29/examining-adoption-ethics-part-three
http://www.pureandlasting.com/what-i-thought-i-knew/
http://pearltobefound.wordpress.com/2014/04/12/shattered-families/
http://pearltobefound.wordpress.com/2014/04/13/shattered-families-part-two-what-i-propose/
(In this series, #7 in part two really tugged at my heart.)
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
Sunday, April 13, 2014
Tips for Working Remotely: Reflections from the Past Year
I've just finished up the first academic year of working remotely. It was quite the experience. I thought if I made a plan with a set schedule I'd be good to go, it would be just like working in the office - right?! Wrong, in general it's not an easy thing to do. Don't get me wrong, I am so beyond blessed that I was allowed to keep my job when we moved for law school, but I've definitely learned a few things this year about how to do this semi-successfully I wish I knew ahead of time.
I think it's really important you feel like your home is a safe and relaxing place to be, and when you work in your home it can easily turn into a reminder of your never-ending to-do list or your work deadlines. I've put together a few tips to remind myself for next year and to potentially help anyone else out there who may be transitioning to work remotely. Everyone works differently, so these might be very specific to my work-habits. I still wanted to share.
1. Seasonal Schedule
First tip: don't create a year-round schedule, try to change it with the season (if you're allowed to do this). After this year, I have now reflectively found that a seasonal schedule makes much more sense. When I say seasonal schedule, I mean maybe just an hour or two adjustment throughout the week. Looking back I would have adjusted my schedule during the winter so that I would have been able to go outside or enjoy a bit of sunlight. Maybe worked from 11-7 three days a week and had a few mornings to get out and run errands. Working during the sunlight hours and then concluding when it's dark is one thing if you're in an office, but if you attempt to do this in your home it can be a bit depressing if you're like me and don't really like to go out or run errands when it's dark out.
2. Field Trips
Find somewhere outside of your home at least once a week, if not more. This isn't possible for everyone, but I work out of the law school library 1-2 times a week. This has done wonders! I'm relieved when I walk in the door in the evening to be home - that's not something you feel often when you work from home. It can be a bit sad that after all of the energy you put into building a home, you just can't wait to escape it because you've been working in it all day. So, find a chance to get out and allow yourself to be relieved to come home at least once a week!
3. Schedule Chores
Working from home can be distracting, I think people mostly have one of two situations - they are either completely distracted by things going on in the home and end up not working as much as they should, or they are too busy during their work hours to tend to anything around the house but it stresses them out to look around at the household chores that need to get done. I'm the latter. When you normally leave to go to an office in the morning you can leave the dishes in the sink and not think about them until you come home. If you work from your home, you are reminded that things are left un-done. I created a very detailed google calendar, one has the hours that I am online working and another with my personal life. I sometimes will schedule these down to the 15 minutes (I'm not crazy, my entire calendar is not in 15 minutes, I'm just saying that if something only takes 15 minutes I schedule it for 15 minutes, I don't milk it out and put an hour that only makes the problem worse!). I put in a 15 minute break 2-3 times a day with a specific task like laundry, dishes or whatever else is relevant at the time. This is great for two reasons: first, if your work is challenging that day and things just aren't coming off of the to-do list, this is a great way to feel like you accomplished something and to re-energize you; second, you can do both things at once while being very mindful of your work schedule. The key here is to force yourself to be ok to do one chore at a time. I used to want a two hour block to clean, do laundry, run errands, all at once, but that just wasn't compatible with when I needed to be online for work. Breaking these down into smaller tasks throughout my day makes me more efficient in all areas.
4. Look Good
Even if you know you are staying home for the day and you'll be in front of your computer all of the time, more often than not, try to put on an outfit you'd be ok with in public - and if you can, something nice! Now, when I first moved out here I was beyond thrilled to wear yoga pants every day with my new handmade tank tops from old-tshirts. However, after awhile this can wear you down! I'm not sure what it is that makes me feel better and work better when I am dressed up - but it works. No way do I do this every day, but I try to at least 3 of the 5 work days. I also realized that my husband would come home from school lookin' fly, open the door with a look of excitement to see me, and surprise! Here I would come looking like a swamp creature. So I figured we all benefit if I take a few extra minutes to brush my hair and put on matching socks. (HA, who has matching socks?!)
5. Take Charge of Your Health
Working from home provides an amazing advantage to increase your health. You are not constrained to an office chair 8 hours a day and instead you can be very purposeful about where and how you are sitting. I break my day into three time chunks. I spend the first chunk in one particular chair, the next chunk at the office table and the third chunk on the floor. Think about what is good for your circulation and health and take advantage of the fact that you can do this. I'm sure individuals who work 9-5 in an office chair would earnestly encourage you to do this, as they can't! Figure out what works for your posture, your circulation, your energy and change it up. I've seen a lot of articles about making a designated office so you aren't distracted and I certainly see the merits of that. However moving around throughout the day (with a purpose and schedule) can really help.
So what do you think? Have any tips? These tips might make it seem like I've got it all figured out, but this is still a constant struggle for me. I find I over-work, my house isn't always relaxing, and household chores stress me out much more as in my mind I clump them together with work tasks. However, it's getting better day by day. Please do comment if you have other suggestions or modifications to the above, I'm interested!
I think it's really important you feel like your home is a safe and relaxing place to be, and when you work in your home it can easily turn into a reminder of your never-ending to-do list or your work deadlines. I've put together a few tips to remind myself for next year and to potentially help anyone else out there who may be transitioning to work remotely. Everyone works differently, so these might be very specific to my work-habits. I still wanted to share.
1. Seasonal Schedule
First tip: don't create a year-round schedule, try to change it with the season (if you're allowed to do this). After this year, I have now reflectively found that a seasonal schedule makes much more sense. When I say seasonal schedule, I mean maybe just an hour or two adjustment throughout the week. Looking back I would have adjusted my schedule during the winter so that I would have been able to go outside or enjoy a bit of sunlight. Maybe worked from 11-7 three days a week and had a few mornings to get out and run errands. Working during the sunlight hours and then concluding when it's dark is one thing if you're in an office, but if you attempt to do this in your home it can be a bit depressing if you're like me and don't really like to go out or run errands when it's dark out.
2. Field Trips
Find somewhere outside of your home at least once a week, if not more. This isn't possible for everyone, but I work out of the law school library 1-2 times a week. This has done wonders! I'm relieved when I walk in the door in the evening to be home - that's not something you feel often when you work from home. It can be a bit sad that after all of the energy you put into building a home, you just can't wait to escape it because you've been working in it all day. So, find a chance to get out and allow yourself to be relieved to come home at least once a week!
3. Schedule Chores
Working from home can be distracting, I think people mostly have one of two situations - they are either completely distracted by things going on in the home and end up not working as much as they should, or they are too busy during their work hours to tend to anything around the house but it stresses them out to look around at the household chores that need to get done. I'm the latter. When you normally leave to go to an office in the morning you can leave the dishes in the sink and not think about them until you come home. If you work from your home, you are reminded that things are left un-done. I created a very detailed google calendar, one has the hours that I am online working and another with my personal life. I sometimes will schedule these down to the 15 minutes (I'm not crazy, my entire calendar is not in 15 minutes, I'm just saying that if something only takes 15 minutes I schedule it for 15 minutes, I don't milk it out and put an hour that only makes the problem worse!). I put in a 15 minute break 2-3 times a day with a specific task like laundry, dishes or whatever else is relevant at the time. This is great for two reasons: first, if your work is challenging that day and things just aren't coming off of the to-do list, this is a great way to feel like you accomplished something and to re-energize you; second, you can do both things at once while being very mindful of your work schedule. The key here is to force yourself to be ok to do one chore at a time. I used to want a two hour block to clean, do laundry, run errands, all at once, but that just wasn't compatible with when I needed to be online for work. Breaking these down into smaller tasks throughout my day makes me more efficient in all areas.
4. Look Good
Even if you know you are staying home for the day and you'll be in front of your computer all of the time, more often than not, try to put on an outfit you'd be ok with in public - and if you can, something nice! Now, when I first moved out here I was beyond thrilled to wear yoga pants every day with my new handmade tank tops from old-tshirts. However, after awhile this can wear you down! I'm not sure what it is that makes me feel better and work better when I am dressed up - but it works. No way do I do this every day, but I try to at least 3 of the 5 work days. I also realized that my husband would come home from school lookin' fly, open the door with a look of excitement to see me, and surprise! Here I would come looking like a swamp creature. So I figured we all benefit if I take a few extra minutes to brush my hair and put on matching socks. (HA, who has matching socks?!)
5. Take Charge of Your Health
Working from home provides an amazing advantage to increase your health. You are not constrained to an office chair 8 hours a day and instead you can be very purposeful about where and how you are sitting. I break my day into three time chunks. I spend the first chunk in one particular chair, the next chunk at the office table and the third chunk on the floor. Think about what is good for your circulation and health and take advantage of the fact that you can do this. I'm sure individuals who work 9-5 in an office chair would earnestly encourage you to do this, as they can't! Figure out what works for your posture, your circulation, your energy and change it up. I've seen a lot of articles about making a designated office so you aren't distracted and I certainly see the merits of that. However moving around throughout the day (with a purpose and schedule) can really help.
So what do you think? Have any tips? These tips might make it seem like I've got it all figured out, but this is still a constant struggle for me. I find I over-work, my house isn't always relaxing, and household chores stress me out much more as in my mind I clump them together with work tasks. However, it's getting better day by day. Please do comment if you have other suggestions or modifications to the above, I'm interested!
Sunday, April 6, 2014
25: Singing Monsters Style!
I've recently come across a game, My Singing Monsters, that I believe was made just for me. You hatch little creatures, they each sing a different note or sound, and together they make the funniest music. I just love it. (My facebook friends probably see the updates that I've hatched a monster or made it to a new level, sorry - I can't figure out how to unlink that....)
So, for my 25th birthday my sister made me a "My Singing Monsters" inspired birthday cake. It was probably one of the cutest things I've seen! The monsters are brownies that were baked in a cake pop tray and then frosted.
Just wanted to share!
So, for my 25th birthday my sister made me a "My Singing Monsters" inspired birthday cake. It was probably one of the cutest things I've seen! The monsters are brownies that were baked in a cake pop tray and then frosted.
Just wanted to share!
Thursday, April 3, 2014
The tube.
Moving away for law school and becoming a single income family meant we didn't purchase a cable plan. (Might I add we still have a humongous TV transferred from the husband's first apartment and gifted from a precious soul, it has been turned on a record of 3 times - one of which was to stream the superbowl from our laptops.) This might seem like a ridiculous post but here's what I've been thinking lately about "the tube" and I want to remember this in the future when we decide about cable again.
1. This is number 1 for a reason! Listening to sports games on the radio is fun. We really only listen to hockey games, and sometimes football - but you learn the game so quickly when you listen to the announcer and then picture it in your head. I like it.
2. Not having a TV and needing to listen to games on the radio is the perfect excuse for a late night date or drive to get a milkshake or soda while we listen to the third period or quarter of whatever game it is.
3. When you don't have a TV, it doesn't mean you don't watch TV shows. Instead, watching TV series becomes a different experience for you. You rely on Netflix which means instead of catching a show once a week you choose a show and then watch all 4+ seasons within an unreasonable period of time. That's not necessarily healthy - but I do want to add I spend hours and hours making paper flowers for my shop where I can't do anything else with my hands so watching a TV show is one of my options. What is interesting about this is that you can certainly fall prey to an addictive series, but you make very conscious choices about what you watch. There's definitely more ownership over the process and channel surfing is no more!
4.. Without a TV, we don't spend time on the couch in a living room really. So why do you have one? It's made me think about how that space could be better used and what we should do with it. Um, if you're expecting that idea to be further explained any futher I've hit a dead end, so yeah - more to come on that. A second craft room? OK!
5. Silence in the background of your day is not a bad thing! In our old apartment, the TV used to be on at all times in the background. I'm not sure why - we were in a different room and not watching at all times, but it was always on. Sometimes I have music on now, but most of the time I'm just ok being able to hear my own thoughts!
6. Not having a TV means you have no idea what movies are in the theaters because you never see previews anymore. When you decide to go see a movie, you look at the list and have no idea what any of them are. That's more strange than you think!
7. When your TV is your laptop, you have to force yourself to pick one activity over the other. I used to sit in front of my TV with my laptop on - why? I have no idea, maybe I enjoyed sensory overloads. I would watch TV and surf the web at the same time.. It's impossible to do that now. Well, ok smart phones but I don't surf the web on my iphone - I just play "my singing monsters." That game deserves its own special blog post.
8. When you don't have a TV it's awkward to invite people over for the first time without a sports game as an excuse. You actually have to...talk to them. Which is probably why we haven't invited anyone over. HA, that was honest.
9. When I do have access to a TV with cable at my parents house I want to watch the most obscure things that I can't find online, like a show about the top music videos of the 2000s and I genuinely enjoy channel surfing instead of watching one show. Ask any of my family members -they seriously avoid handing me the remote.
I will go ahead and say that I think I'd really prefer not to have a functioning TV with cable ever again. Everyone can point and laugh in a few years when I have one in every room of our house and write a post about how I cannot imagine living without cable. :)
1. This is number 1 for a reason! Listening to sports games on the radio is fun. We really only listen to hockey games, and sometimes football - but you learn the game so quickly when you listen to the announcer and then picture it in your head. I like it.
2. Not having a TV and needing to listen to games on the radio is the perfect excuse for a late night date or drive to get a milkshake or soda while we listen to the third period or quarter of whatever game it is.
3. When you don't have a TV, it doesn't mean you don't watch TV shows. Instead, watching TV series becomes a different experience for you. You rely on Netflix which means instead of catching a show once a week you choose a show and then watch all 4+ seasons within an unreasonable period of time. That's not necessarily healthy - but I do want to add I spend hours and hours making paper flowers for my shop where I can't do anything else with my hands so watching a TV show is one of my options. What is interesting about this is that you can certainly fall prey to an addictive series, but you make very conscious choices about what you watch. There's definitely more ownership over the process and channel surfing is no more!
4.. Without a TV, we don't spend time on the couch in a living room really. So why do you have one? It's made me think about how that space could be better used and what we should do with it. Um, if you're expecting that idea to be further explained any futher I've hit a dead end, so yeah - more to come on that. A second craft room? OK!
5. Silence in the background of your day is not a bad thing! In our old apartment, the TV used to be on at all times in the background. I'm not sure why - we were in a different room and not watching at all times, but it was always on. Sometimes I have music on now, but most of the time I'm just ok being able to hear my own thoughts!
6. Not having a TV means you have no idea what movies are in the theaters because you never see previews anymore. When you decide to go see a movie, you look at the list and have no idea what any of them are. That's more strange than you think!
7. When your TV is your laptop, you have to force yourself to pick one activity over the other. I used to sit in front of my TV with my laptop on - why? I have no idea, maybe I enjoyed sensory overloads. I would watch TV and surf the web at the same time.. It's impossible to do that now. Well, ok smart phones but I don't surf the web on my iphone - I just play "my singing monsters." That game deserves its own special blog post.
8. When you don't have a TV it's awkward to invite people over for the first time without a sports game as an excuse. You actually have to...talk to them. Which is probably why we haven't invited anyone over. HA, that was honest.
9. When I do have access to a TV with cable at my parents house I want to watch the most obscure things that I can't find online, like a show about the top music videos of the 2000s and I genuinely enjoy channel surfing instead of watching one show. Ask any of my family members -they seriously avoid handing me the remote.
I will go ahead and say that I think I'd really prefer not to have a functioning TV with cable ever again. Everyone can point and laugh in a few years when I have one in every room of our house and write a post about how I cannot imagine living without cable. :)
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Ethiopia Adoption Ethics, Late Night Talks & the Black Sea
Several months ago I posted about a potential shut down of adoptions in Ethiopia or at least changes to reforming their system.When we heard they may shut down to corruption and/or to implement more ethical processes, we were heartbroken. Although this was really frightening for us at the time it also served to open our eyes to the larger orphan crisis in Ethiopia and our place in it.
Once we started this process I felt like we started looking at adoption as a very individualized process - as a set of parents adopting a child. We focused on our one future child, wherever they may be. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, just an observation. When there was talk of shutting down international adoption in Ethiopia - we very clearly related this to OUR future child and that's why it was so scary.
This "scare" caused us to start researching why international adoption in Ethiopia was such a controversial topic. We came across stories of mistreated children and of unethical adoptions that were revealed once the children were home and provided information several years later. Now, there will always be evil in the world and I recognize that. Whatever your search terms are in Google - you'll find it. If you search ethical adoptions you'll find plenty, if you search unethical adoptions you'll find plenty. Our only respite here in searching through the noise of the world is knowing that we are relying on God to lead each step in this journey. Now, we didn't take for granted the information that we were finding or experiencing first hand in reading agency communications and Ethiopian government documents regarding the potential shut down, we recognize that the Lord is capable of revealing information and wisdom to us. Sometimes it can be difficult to discern what is Godly wisdom and what is the "knowledge" of the world. That is where prayer, patience, and not being quick to judge or make decisions are so important.
Now, I don't want you to think this is a pro-adoption, anti-adoption, pro-Ethiopia or anti-Ethiopia post. This is a post about our personal adoption journey and where and how we feel the Lord is moving us and encouraging us personally.
Over the past few months we have felt convicted about our request for a "healthy" infant 0-2 years old from Ethiopia. We can see the unofficial waiting list of our agency and how many families have this same request. We also know that it is a well known fact that many agencies have long lists of families specifically requesting 0-2 healthy infants. Maybe you didn't know this. If we know, and those in the adoption world know, surely those on the ground in Ethiopia know that this is a popular request. Let me also say that many agencies do not allow families to adopt out of birth order and many families are not approved for this - so they can't request anything older than a 0-2 year old child until their children at home are at least 6 months older than this. So, I get that. But for us, that's not the case.
We can't help but feel that being on a waiting list for a healthy infant that is expected to last for 4 years may be contributing to the problem. It is really difficult for us to look at a waiting child list of several children who are older or HIV+ or with developmental delays that are being passed over while parents wait for a healthy infant. Why are agencies still accepting applications from families (like us) who request a healthy infant, when in reality the need is for families that are open to adopt older and/or special needs children? What message are they sending? Maybe it's because once families start the process they often change their request, like we are considering now. I'm grateful we were accepted, I have conflicting thoughts. When we turned in the application I truly believed that there was an immediate need for a healthy infant 0-2. However, waiting 36-40 months means this child isn't born yet. Why then, am I not spending the same amount of money to ensure this child doesn't become an orphan and am assuming that they will become one? It's a convicting question to ask. I also know that not everyone's heart is moved in this particular way and that the Lord has different plans for all of us, I don't question anyone in regards to that or their request. I just pray that families in the process will keep their hearts truly open to the Lord's call to protect and provide for orphans and pray for discernment in determining their path.
When we first started this adoption journey we narrowed it down to two particular agencies we were interested in. The first agency's Ethiopia program was closed but I had a great talk with someone from their agency. They recommended their Bulgaria program. At the time I didn't think twice about this program and we chose the other agency. I honestly don't think we would have started this journey if it hadn't been in Ethiopia and we have learned some very specific things through struggles and steps specific to the Ethiopia process. I also think I would have always second guessed our decision and wondered "well what would it have been like in an Ethiopia program?!" We've been really going back and forth about this decision, but realize that we are slowly being pushed out of the Ethiopia program. Last night we sat at our favorite fast food place, and the only thing in Williamsburg open past 9pm, Cook Out, and talked about the potential move to a Bulgaria program. I specifically felt that we needed to seriously pray about the children on the current waiting list that do not match any family's requests before we'd officially consider leaving. This was a really difficult thing to consider as many of the children have serious medical disabilities, are older and/or are HIV positive. As we sat there discussing, it was amazing to see how much more open we were to different children than our original request of a 0-2 year old infant. This is a perfect example of how important the process itself is. I felt particularly "upset" about one child and I wanted to seriously consider them although their age and medical needs really didn't line up anywhere near to our resources and where we are in life right now. I felt hopeless for this child and felt that we could be their last hope.
We left Cook Out feeling a little confused wondering if our hearts were really stuck on this child for a reason and if so, why, it really seemed impossible. Was this the next step for us in our journey? It was a cold rainy night, really late for our local Williamsburg neighbors, and a van drove by us with the license place BLK SEA. Now, this might not seem like a big deal to any of you, but Bulgaria is on the Black Sea and we really felt really moved when we saw that! (We also joked that maybe their last name was the Blksea's and we'd meet them one day and laugh! :))
At first I was confused again, here we were talking about children who not a single family in our program was currently interested in or able to handle and trying to consider them or find a potential way to make something work, really pushing ourselves to find a way to help these kids, and then we see something leading us in a different direction. What I think was a really important lesson here is that we were starting to think that we could be a child's only hope. That if we didn't get them, they had no chance. This isn't true. We essentially were saying that we didn't think our prayers were enough and that we had to take action in our own hands. Did we not trust that God was taking care of these children or had a plan and family picked out for them? It's hard not to rely on our own "understandings" but that evening's conversations and the license plate we saw really brought a lot of peace to us. We have hearts for the orphans all around the world but we also have complete trust and faith in the Lord that he is watching over each and every one of them and we need to wait patiently for our part in the plan.
Like I said earlier, every part of this journey is part of the Lord's plan for us, our hearts are more open than ever to orphans, whether we adopt from Ethiopia or not, Ethiopia is a big part of our adoption journey. Our little one is out there somewhere -we are praying about where to go or where to stay in order to find them.
We are attending an informational webinar on a Bulgaria program next week. We shall see!
I'm loving this song right now.
And I love to link to Etsy shops.
This print is from: DesignsbyHilary.
Once we started this process I felt like we started looking at adoption as a very individualized process - as a set of parents adopting a child. We focused on our one future child, wherever they may be. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, just an observation. When there was talk of shutting down international adoption in Ethiopia - we very clearly related this to OUR future child and that's why it was so scary.
This "scare" caused us to start researching why international adoption in Ethiopia was such a controversial topic. We came across stories of mistreated children and of unethical adoptions that were revealed once the children were home and provided information several years later. Now, there will always be evil in the world and I recognize that. Whatever your search terms are in Google - you'll find it. If you search ethical adoptions you'll find plenty, if you search unethical adoptions you'll find plenty. Our only respite here in searching through the noise of the world is knowing that we are relying on God to lead each step in this journey. Now, we didn't take for granted the information that we were finding or experiencing first hand in reading agency communications and Ethiopian government documents regarding the potential shut down, we recognize that the Lord is capable of revealing information and wisdom to us. Sometimes it can be difficult to discern what is Godly wisdom and what is the "knowledge" of the world. That is where prayer, patience, and not being quick to judge or make decisions are so important.
Now, I don't want you to think this is a pro-adoption, anti-adoption, pro-Ethiopia or anti-Ethiopia post. This is a post about our personal adoption journey and where and how we feel the Lord is moving us and encouraging us personally.
Over the past few months we have felt convicted about our request for a "healthy" infant 0-2 years old from Ethiopia. We can see the unofficial waiting list of our agency and how many families have this same request. We also know that it is a well known fact that many agencies have long lists of families specifically requesting 0-2 healthy infants. Maybe you didn't know this. If we know, and those in the adoption world know, surely those on the ground in Ethiopia know that this is a popular request. Let me also say that many agencies do not allow families to adopt out of birth order and many families are not approved for this - so they can't request anything older than a 0-2 year old child until their children at home are at least 6 months older than this. So, I get that. But for us, that's not the case.
We can't help but feel that being on a waiting list for a healthy infant that is expected to last for 4 years may be contributing to the problem. It is really difficult for us to look at a waiting child list of several children who are older or HIV+ or with developmental delays that are being passed over while parents wait for a healthy infant. Why are agencies still accepting applications from families (like us) who request a healthy infant, when in reality the need is for families that are open to adopt older and/or special needs children? What message are they sending? Maybe it's because once families start the process they often change their request, like we are considering now. I'm grateful we were accepted, I have conflicting thoughts. When we turned in the application I truly believed that there was an immediate need for a healthy infant 0-2. However, waiting 36-40 months means this child isn't born yet. Why then, am I not spending the same amount of money to ensure this child doesn't become an orphan and am assuming that they will become one? It's a convicting question to ask. I also know that not everyone's heart is moved in this particular way and that the Lord has different plans for all of us, I don't question anyone in regards to that or their request. I just pray that families in the process will keep their hearts truly open to the Lord's call to protect and provide for orphans and pray for discernment in determining their path.
When we first started this adoption journey we narrowed it down to two particular agencies we were interested in. The first agency's Ethiopia program was closed but I had a great talk with someone from their agency. They recommended their Bulgaria program. At the time I didn't think twice about this program and we chose the other agency. I honestly don't think we would have started this journey if it hadn't been in Ethiopia and we have learned some very specific things through struggles and steps specific to the Ethiopia process. I also think I would have always second guessed our decision and wondered "well what would it have been like in an Ethiopia program?!" We've been really going back and forth about this decision, but realize that we are slowly being pushed out of the Ethiopia program. Last night we sat at our favorite fast food place, and the only thing in Williamsburg open past 9pm, Cook Out, and talked about the potential move to a Bulgaria program. I specifically felt that we needed to seriously pray about the children on the current waiting list that do not match any family's requests before we'd officially consider leaving. This was a really difficult thing to consider as many of the children have serious medical disabilities, are older and/or are HIV positive. As we sat there discussing, it was amazing to see how much more open we were to different children than our original request of a 0-2 year old infant. This is a perfect example of how important the process itself is. I felt particularly "upset" about one child and I wanted to seriously consider them although their age and medical needs really didn't line up anywhere near to our resources and where we are in life right now. I felt hopeless for this child and felt that we could be their last hope.
We left Cook Out feeling a little confused wondering if our hearts were really stuck on this child for a reason and if so, why, it really seemed impossible. Was this the next step for us in our journey? It was a cold rainy night, really late for our local Williamsburg neighbors, and a van drove by us with the license place BLK SEA. Now, this might not seem like a big deal to any of you, but Bulgaria is on the Black Sea and we really felt really moved when we saw that! (We also joked that maybe their last name was the Blksea's and we'd meet them one day and laugh! :))
Like I said earlier, every part of this journey is part of the Lord's plan for us, our hearts are more open than ever to orphans, whether we adopt from Ethiopia or not, Ethiopia is a big part of our adoption journey. Our little one is out there somewhere -we are praying about where to go or where to stay in order to find them.
We are attending an informational webinar on a Bulgaria program next week. We shall see!
I'm loving this song right now.And I love to link to Etsy shops.
This print is from: DesignsbyHilary.
Saturday, January 4, 2014
Adoption Updates: Changes in Ethiopia?
It's been a month or two since the last update on our adoption journey so it's time for an update. We just got back from visiting family in Alaska and while there, when we finally found a few minutes of cell service, we saw a flurry of facebook comments from fellow waiting families in our adoption agency and emails regarding trouble in Ethiopia and a political meeting that had taken place regarding the status of adoption in the country.
Over the past weekend there was a multi-day meeting held by the House of Representatives in Ethiopia along with Ministry of Women's, Children's and Youth Affairs (MOWYCA) officials. A research paper was presented that was prepared by Parliament and MOWYCA. After the presentation the group of nearly 400 stakeholders split up into groups to discuss the issues presented - 7 of the 15 questions related to adoption. Our agency reported that many Parliament officials strongly lobbied to close international adoption in Ethiopia while many other participants lobbied for finding ways to increase domestic adoption, while still leaving international adoption as a good means for the current children in need. At the end of the meeting, the speaker of the House of Representatives commented that there are many conflicts of interest with government officials and adoption and overall did not speak positively of international adoption. He stated that they would present a strategic plan regarding international adoption in 10 business days.
At this point, it hasn't been 10 days and we are still waiting to hear what the future of international adoption in Ethiopia will look like. Our agency is hopeful that they will not shut down adoption but instead will create a plan for reform. As to what this plan will look like and what it means for families waiting, we aren't sure. Recent news stories have also discussed changing age limits and minimum requirements for adopting, which could certainly affect us.
A lot is at stake here for the families in our program that have been waiting for years on end and for the little ones who could get stuck in the middle of this without forever homes in Ethiopia. We're asking you to pray for the government officials and that they find compassion for the children currently in government run orphanages who truly need a home and that any plans they make will not keep the children stuck in these orphanages indefinitely. Christmas in Ethiopia is celebrated on January 7th - and as they enter the Christmas season and begin their numerous celebrations to remember Christ's birth we hope that these officials seek the Lord when making decisions for the future of their children and their country, whatever that may be. While reform is certainly needed and corruption is happening, we hope a plan will be put forth that continues to improve the process and find these children homes.
Adoption is a politically and emotionally charged topic in Ethiopia, like it is across the world. Elections are coming up soon and politicians are being lobbied on both sides of the spectrum. Additionally recent news regarding international adoption in Ethiopia has been in a very negative light, a film was shown about unfortunate cases of unethical adoption and children who were adopted and mistreated. Some officials and individuals in Ethiopia believe it would be better for Ethiopian children to remain in Ethiopian orphanages than to be adopted internationally. And while we certainly agree that domestic adoption should be emphasized and encouraged among Ethiopians, this isn't an overnight fix and the children stuck waiting in orphanages shouldn't be left there to wait this change out.
When I think about the last few months and how we were led to adopt one of the strongest memories that comes to mind was from a wise friend who told me it was all about the process, regardless of the end results. Even in such a short period of time, I certainly agree. Over the last few months we've come much closer to eachother, had amazing conversations with family and friends and most importantly strengthened our relationship with God. In an extreme way, adoption really forces you to put every aspect of the process in God's control. In so doing, it challenged us to think about other aspects of our life that are more common and comfortable that we may or may not let God have control of.
Pray also for us as we continue to seek the Lord in this process and understand if this is a door closing for us at this time or if this just the first of many scary times in this process where we need to trust God's plan for us and his timing. We pray that he makes our next steps clear for us.
Thanks for all your love and support friends! We'll update more when we know.
Link with info from our agency: http://adoptedbydesign.typepad.com/blog/2014/01/fast-pray-for-ethiopias-orphans-january-9-11.html
Over the past weekend there was a multi-day meeting held by the House of Representatives in Ethiopia along with Ministry of Women's, Children's and Youth Affairs (MOWYCA) officials. A research paper was presented that was prepared by Parliament and MOWYCA. After the presentation the group of nearly 400 stakeholders split up into groups to discuss the issues presented - 7 of the 15 questions related to adoption. Our agency reported that many Parliament officials strongly lobbied to close international adoption in Ethiopia while many other participants lobbied for finding ways to increase domestic adoption, while still leaving international adoption as a good means for the current children in need. At the end of the meeting, the speaker of the House of Representatives commented that there are many conflicts of interest with government officials and adoption and overall did not speak positively of international adoption. He stated that they would present a strategic plan regarding international adoption in 10 business days.
At this point, it hasn't been 10 days and we are still waiting to hear what the future of international adoption in Ethiopia will look like. Our agency is hopeful that they will not shut down adoption but instead will create a plan for reform. As to what this plan will look like and what it means for families waiting, we aren't sure. Recent news stories have also discussed changing age limits and minimum requirements for adopting, which could certainly affect us.
A lot is at stake here for the families in our program that have been waiting for years on end and for the little ones who could get stuck in the middle of this without forever homes in Ethiopia. We're asking you to pray for the government officials and that they find compassion for the children currently in government run orphanages who truly need a home and that any plans they make will not keep the children stuck in these orphanages indefinitely. Christmas in Ethiopia is celebrated on January 7th - and as they enter the Christmas season and begin their numerous celebrations to remember Christ's birth we hope that these officials seek the Lord when making decisions for the future of their children and their country, whatever that may be. While reform is certainly needed and corruption is happening, we hope a plan will be put forth that continues to improve the process and find these children homes.
Adoption is a politically and emotionally charged topic in Ethiopia, like it is across the world. Elections are coming up soon and politicians are being lobbied on both sides of the spectrum. Additionally recent news regarding international adoption in Ethiopia has been in a very negative light, a film was shown about unfortunate cases of unethical adoption and children who were adopted and mistreated. Some officials and individuals in Ethiopia believe it would be better for Ethiopian children to remain in Ethiopian orphanages than to be adopted internationally. And while we certainly agree that domestic adoption should be emphasized and encouraged among Ethiopians, this isn't an overnight fix and the children stuck waiting in orphanages shouldn't be left there to wait this change out.
When I think about the last few months and how we were led to adopt one of the strongest memories that comes to mind was from a wise friend who told me it was all about the process, regardless of the end results. Even in such a short period of time, I certainly agree. Over the last few months we've come much closer to eachother, had amazing conversations with family and friends and most importantly strengthened our relationship with God. In an extreme way, adoption really forces you to put every aspect of the process in God's control. In so doing, it challenged us to think about other aspects of our life that are more common and comfortable that we may or may not let God have control of.
Pray also for us as we continue to seek the Lord in this process and understand if this is a door closing for us at this time or if this just the first of many scary times in this process where we need to trust God's plan for us and his timing. We pray that he makes our next steps clear for us.
Thanks for all your love and support friends! We'll update more when we know.
Link with info from our agency: http://adoptedbydesign.typepad.com/blog/2014/01/fast-pray-for-ethiopias-orphans-january-9-11.html
Saturday, December 7, 2013
DIY Paper Flower Wall Take 2: The End Results
So, the second take of the paper flower wall was finished a few months ago...but since the news our of adoption we've been pretty tied up in paperwork and I haven't had the chance to update with pictures!
I was contacted by someone who had seen my original paper flower wall on my blog and asked if they could use it for an adoption party they were throwing for a friend. Now this was before adoption was on our hearts and looking back I think this is so cool :). What I do know is that even though we needed the money I offered to make a brand new wall for them to use for free and I'd eventually use back in my office. When I was up at 4am multiple nights in a row I questioned this decision (HA) but I am so happy with how it turned out, how it's first use was at an adoption party, and I'll always look at the wall that is now hanging in my office and constantly be reminded of our adoption journey and the many others that are out there.
So, below are photos taken at the event that I received in return for supplying the wall :) I love how they used it. This wall was three canvases and they hung them from the trees in the yard. What do you think?! Obviously these girls know how to throw a party, the table is beyond gorgeous!
Event Planners: www.fleurishevents.com
Photography: www.sweetrootvillage.com
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