Paper Flowers, Provision & Promises

Friends. I just posted that we were able to sponsor our first child through No Ordinary Love Ministries yesterday!

For a little back story. I had been praying about this for the past few weeks. The month of April was the slowest month for Pancakes & Glue Guns in almost a year, it brought it approximately 1/3 of the profit it normally brings in. It was during this month that I reached out to No Ordinary Love Ministries.

The entire month I waited and waited for the shop to return to its former glory, but it didn't - it was slow! I've always said that God's hand on this shop is so perfect as I have rest exactly when I need it, it provides a distraction from work stress when I need it, and it provides finances the exact minute we need them. All of this never happens in a "safe" way, instead the shop is constantly fluctuating in sales and profit month by month to provide exactly what we need when we need it. For instance, in April I finally had some time to make my paper flower crosses and after making a few was inpsired to reach out to Hope Spoken about being a vendor in their market. Without that down time to create these I wouldn't have pursued it. God is so good and perfect!

When I first contacted No Ordinary Love Ministires, providing a sponsorship for a child once a month was actually in the excess of my shop. I would definitely notice it, but it didn't require too much faith to make it work.  I kept telling myself, well April was a little slow - so let's just start the sponsorship thing in May. But then as the days went on and I was in the Word I read about how giving in faith as a sacrifice is a form of worship to the Lord  is so pleasing to Him.

So, I went ahead and did it - the funds from April went 100% to sponsoring a child at No Ordinary Love Ministries - there wasn't any excess, this wasn't an easy donation as it forced us to rely on faith to provide what we needed for the rest of the month.

Well, two hours later the Hope Spoken instagram account shared a picture of one of my crosses and I had dozens of new followers inquiring about custom orders in my Etsy shop. Then the next hour my husband receives an email that his scholarship for his summer internship had been increased by about $500 - the amount of the sponsorship.

Step out in faith friends, the Lord always keeps his promises. I am so blessed to be used by Him through my paper flowers. :)

Hebrews 13:16 Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.

Hebrews 11:6 And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.

Phillipians 4:19 And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

May Sponsorship & Hope Spoken

Friends, we've sponsored our first child through No Ordinary Love Ministries' home-based reunification services.  You can read his story here. Please pray for him and his family. :)

Thanks for supporting Pancakes & Glue Guns this April and helping me use this shop for His glory!

And another exciting note: I'll be attending the Hope Spoken conference in Dallas next March and will be a vendor in their handmade market! I'm also providing some free swag for their "swag bags." More to come on my idea for that soon!

I'll be building up an inventory of paper flower crosses for the market. It's going to take me the entire 10 months to make enough...!! Exciting though :)

 

Paper Flowers with a Purpose

My little shop has been such a blessing in my life. It has fulfilled and currently is fulling so many different purposes! Pancakes & Glue Guns started off as a respite because my dream job opportunity fell through and I was having a hard time being content where I was. With the encouragement of my husband this shop really helped me through that time.

Then, when we moved for law school and became a single income family the shop supplemented our income and allowed us to pay for textbooks, a new computer and other things before school started. 

Then, we started the adoption process and 100% of the proceeds of the shop went towards funding our agency fees. 

And for now. Now, that we are on hold with the adoption journey I've been praying about finding a purpose for my shop again. We're still a single income family and certainly need this to help us survive out here - but that purpose alone doesn't make the shop fun, it doesn't make me WANT to make my paper flowers. I've been searching for awhile for a purpose for my shop and finally found "No Ordinary Love Ministries" Everything about these people, their ministry and what they do is awesome. It is exactly what has been on my heart and I'm not sure why my million google searches didn't lead me to them sooner. :)

I reached out to Jimmy and Rachel of NOLM to confirm the needs of the mission and I'm really excited to help from afar. From this point forward at the end of each month, the proceeds from the Pancakes & Glue Guns shop will sponsor one young woman or child through the "Home Based Reunification Services" NOLM offers. Each sponsorship is a $500 one time donation that helps provide for these individuals' stays at the Emmanuel House and any costs  to help reunify these individuals with a family member or friend willing and able to care for them. Check out the link here to see more specifics about how these funds help. 

These guys are awesome, their hearts for the Lord are awesome and the work they do is amazing. So, from now on, when you support Pancakes & Glue Guns at Etsy you'll be helping those in Ethiopia who desperately need it. The Lord has really blessed this shop over the past year of it's existence and I am so excited to see what the future holds!

"Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you." James 1:27

Hearing His Voice

For those that have been following along, this post is likely not a surprise. As of now we've put our adoption journey on hold.

When we first started this journey we passionately felt that this was what the Lord was calling us to do. Just because we've put this on hold doesn't mean this doesn't still hold true. With complete confidence we are so sure that this process was a part of our plan.

While it might seem disappointing to our followers thinking that this process is fruitless without a child at the end of it, this process was anything but fruitless. In this process we've been drawn closer to God, closer to eachother and he has really broken our hearts for what breaks His.

As I think back on our first days of the journey we were open to a healthy infant 0-2 months old and this was still SCARY! Six months later we were considering children over the age of 10, HIV+ children, and children with Down's Syndrome and it actually wasn't so scary. Talk about a dramatic change. That was all the Lord, we would have never been open to considering any of this when we first started.

So part of me says - OK Lord, we were willing to do something extreme, and then you opened our hearts to something even MORE extreme, why are we putting things on hold now? How can something this "good" not be a part of your plan? But putting things on hold doesn't mean this is over for us. What all of these changes in the process have done is help us to better discern His voice and understand our calling.

Here are some of the MANY things we've learned:

1. The orphans of the world are His children. We aren't going to be able to save them all by ourselves, it is through him that we are used to help - he doesn't need us and that burden is not on our shoulders. Thinking if we don't adopt them, they are doomed shows a lack of faith in Him, prayer can do amazing things.
2. Just because something is "good" in the eyes of the world does not automatically mean it is in God's plan for you.
3. Learning to discern His voice in any process is an amazing gift.
4. He reveals his plan for you in your everyday life, through little things, through big things - He is everywhere and therefore if you attune yourself to His voice, you'll find guidance anywhere and everywhere.
5. We want to help families stay together in Ethiopia.

Disclaimer, this doesn't mean we are anti-adoption at all. We are pro-trusting the Lord and following his voice intently. For us that means to wait until we know what's next, it could be to pick this process up again! Who knows? The Lord does, and that's why we are content in this waiting/holding period.

As many of you know I have an Etsy shop that helped fund the initial part of our adoption. I want it to continue with that same mission to help families stay together in a non-dependence forming way. I've found quite a few organizations with micro-grant opportunities and that work with re-unification in Ethiopia. More to come on this. I'm praying about and searching for a organization to partner with so these paper flowers can help families!

Side-note. My posts have been lacking pictures recently. I need to work on that, I know.

Thinking about adoption...blogger style

I can't fathom going through this adoption process without the internet and current technologies. Since beginning the process in September of 2013 I think I may have honestly read every blog out there about adoption. Through my virtual explorations I've been angry, distraught, challenged, excited, inspired, you name it.

Like anything, you can find amazing resources online and extreme propaganda as well. As the amount of information on the intenet expands each day we are charged even more so with learning how to decipher this information and search for the truth amongst pages and pages of noise.

Listed below are a few of the challenging commentaries or series I've read that have really pushed me. If anyone following along is interested in our journey and what we've been thinking over the past few months I'd encourage you to read. I don't necessarily agree or endorse every word written in these articles but together they illustrate how we are feeling now.

http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2013/05/14/examining-adoption-ethics-part-one
http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2013/05/20/examining-adoption-ethics-part-two
http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2013/05/29/examining-adoption-ethics-part-three

http://www.pureandlasting.com/what-i-thought-i-knew/

http://pearltobefound.wordpress.com/2014/04/12/shattered-families/
http://pearltobefound.wordpress.com/2014/04/13/shattered-families-part-two-what-i-propose/
(In this series, #7 in part two really tugged at my heart.)

Ethiopia Adoption Ethics, Late Night Talks & the Black Sea

Several months ago I posted about a potential shut down of adoptions in Ethiopia or at least changes to reforming their system.When we heard they may shut down to corruption and/or to implement more ethical processes, we were heartbroken. Although this was really frightening for us at the time it also served to open our eyes to the larger orphan crisis in Ethiopia and our place in it.

Once we started this process I felt like we started looking at adoption as a very individualized process - as a set of parents adopting a child. We focused on our one future child, wherever they may be. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, just an observation. When there was talk of shutting down international adoption in Ethiopia - we very clearly related this to OUR future child and that's why it was so scary.

This "scare" caused us to start researching why international adoption in Ethiopia was such a controversial topic. We came across stories of mistreated children and of unethical adoptions that were revealed once the children were home and provided information several years later. Now, there will always be evil in the world and I recognize that. Whatever your search terms are in Google - you'll find it. If you search ethical adoptions you'll find plenty, if you search unethical adoptions you'll find plenty. Our only respite here in searching through the noise of the world is knowing that we are relying on God to lead each step in this journey. Now, we didn't take for granted the information that we were finding or experiencing first hand in reading agency communications and Ethiopian government documents regarding the potential shut down, we recognize that the Lord is capable of revealing information and wisdom to us. Sometimes it can be difficult to discern what is Godly wisdom and what is the "knowledge" of the world. That is where prayer, patience, and not being quick to judge or make decisions are so important.

Now, I don't want you to think this is a pro-adoption, anti-adoption, pro-Ethiopia or anti-Ethiopia post. This is a post about our personal adoption journey and where and how we feel the Lord is moving us and encouraging us personally.

Over the past few months we have felt convicted about our request for a "healthy" infant 0-2 years old from Ethiopia. We can see the unofficial waiting list of our agency and how many families have this same request. We also know that it is a well known fact that many agencies have long lists of families specifically requesting 0-2 healthy infants. Maybe you didn't know this. If we know, and those in the adoption world know, surely those on the ground in Ethiopia know that this is a popular request. Let me also say that many agencies do not allow families to adopt out of birth order and many families are not approved for this - so they can't request anything older than a 0-2 year old child until their children at home are at least 6 months older than this. So, I get that. But for us, that's not the case.

We can't help but feel that being on a waiting list for a healthy infant that is expected to last for 4 years may be contributing to the problem. It is really difficult for us to look at a waiting child list of several children who are older or HIV+ or with developmental delays that are being passed over while parents wait for a healthy infant. Why are agencies still accepting applications from families (like us) who request a healthy infant, when in reality the need is for families that are open to adopt older and/or special needs children? What message are they sending? Maybe it's because once families start the process they often change their request, like we are considering now. I'm grateful we were accepted, I have conflicting thoughts. When we turned in the application I truly believed that there was an immediate need for a healthy infant 0-2. However, waiting 36-40 months means this child isn't born yet. Why then, am I not spending the same amount of money to ensure this child doesn't become an orphan and am assuming that they will become one? It's a convicting question to ask. I also know that not everyone's heart is moved in this particular way and that the Lord has different plans for all of us, I don't question anyone in regards to that or their request. I just pray that families in the process will keep their hearts truly open to the Lord's call to protect and provide for orphans and pray for discernment in determining their path.

When we first started this adoption journey we narrowed it down to two particular agencies we were interested in. The first agency's Ethiopia program was closed but I had a great talk with someone from their agency. They recommended their Bulgaria program. At the time I didn't think twice about this program and we chose the other agency. I honestly don't think we would have started this journey if it hadn't been in Ethiopia and we have learned some very specific things through struggles and steps specific to the Ethiopia process.  I also think I would have always second guessed our decision and wondered "well what would it have been like in an Ethiopia program?!" We've been really going back and forth about this decision, but realize that we are slowly being pushed out of the Ethiopia program. Last night we sat at our favorite fast food place, and the only thing in Williamsburg open past 9pm, Cook Out, and talked about the potential move to a Bulgaria program. I specifically felt that we needed to seriously pray about the children on the current waiting list that do not match any family's requests before we'd officially consider leaving. This was a really difficult thing to consider as many of the children have serious medical disabilities, are older and/or are HIV positive. As we sat there discussing, it was amazing to see how much more open we were to different children than our original request of a 0-2 year old infant. This is a perfect example of how important the process itself is. I felt particularly "upset" about one child and I wanted to seriously consider them although their age and medical needs really didn't line up anywhere near to our resources and where we are in life right now. I felt hopeless for this child and felt that we could be their last hope.



We left Cook Out feeling a little confused wondering if our hearts were really stuck on this child for a reason and if so, why, it really seemed impossible. Was this the next step for us in our journey? It was a cold rainy night, really late for our local Williamsburg neighbors, and a van drove by us with the license place BLK SEA. Now, this might not seem like a big deal to any of you, but Bulgaria is on the Black Sea and we really felt really moved when we saw that! (We also joked that maybe their last name was the Blksea's and we'd meet them one day and laugh! :))

At first I was confused again, here we were talking about children who not a single family in our program was currently interested in or able to handle and trying to consider them or find a potential way to make something work, really pushing ourselves to find a way to help these kids, and then we see something leading us in a different direction. What I think was a really important lesson here is that we were starting to think that we could be a child's only hope. That if we didn't get them, they had no chance. This isn't true. We essentially were saying that we didn't think our prayers were enough and that we had to take action in our own hands. Did we not trust that God was taking care of these children or had a plan and family picked out for them? It's hard not to rely on our own "understandings" but that evening's conversations and the license plate we saw really brought a lot of peace to us. We have hearts for the orphans all around the world but we also have complete trust and faith in the Lord that he is watching over each and every one of them and we need to wait patiently for our part in the plan.

Like I said earlier, every part of this journey is part of the Lord's plan for us, our hearts are more open than ever to orphans, whether we adopt from Ethiopia or not, Ethiopia is a big part of our adoption journey. Our little one is out there somewhere -we are praying about where to go or where to stay in order to find them.

We are attending an informational webinar on a Bulgaria program next week. We shall see!


I'm loving this song right now.
And I love to link to Etsy shops.
This print is from: DesignsbyHilary.

Adoption Updates: Changes in Ethiopia?

It's been a month or two since the last update on our adoption journey so it's time for an update. We just got back from visiting family in Alaska and while there, when we finally found a few minutes of cell service, we saw a flurry of facebook comments from fellow waiting families in our adoption agency and emails regarding trouble in Ethiopia and a political meeting that had taken place regarding the status of adoption in the country.

Over the past weekend there was a multi-day meeting held by the House of Representatives in Ethiopia along with Ministry of Women's, Children's and Youth Affairs (MOWYCA) officials. A research paper was presented that was prepared by Parliament and MOWYCA. After the presentation the group of nearly 400 stakeholders split up into groups to discuss the issues presented - 7 of the 15 questions related to adoption. Our agency reported that many Parliament officials strongly lobbied to close international adoption in Ethiopia while many other participants lobbied for finding ways to increase domestic adoption, while still leaving international adoption as a good means for the current children in need. At the end of the meeting, the speaker of the House of Representatives commented that there are many conflicts of interest with government officials and adoption and overall did not speak positively of international adoption. He stated that they would present a strategic plan regarding international adoption in 10 business days.

At this point, it hasn't been 10 days and we are still waiting to hear what the future of international adoption in Ethiopia will look like. Our agency is hopeful that they will not shut down adoption but instead will create a plan for reform. As to what this plan will look like and what it means for families waiting, we aren't sure. Recent news stories have also discussed changing age limits and minimum requirements for adopting, which could certainly affect us.

A lot is at stake here for the families in our program that have been waiting for years on end and for the little ones who could get stuck in the middle of this without forever homes in Ethiopia. We're asking you to pray for the government officials and that  they find compassion for the children currently in government run orphanages who truly need a home and that any plans they make will not keep the children stuck in these orphanages indefinitely. Christmas in Ethiopia is celebrated on January 7th - and as they enter the Christmas season and begin their numerous celebrations to remember Christ's birth we hope that these officials seek the Lord when making decisions for the future of their children and their country, whatever that may be. While reform is certainly needed and corruption is happening, we hope a plan will be put forth that continues to improve the process and find these children homes.

Adoption is a politically and emotionally charged topic in Ethiopia, like it is across the world. Elections are coming up soon and politicians are being lobbied on both sides of the spectrum. Additionally recent news regarding international adoption in Ethiopia has been in a very negative light, a film was shown about unfortunate cases of unethical adoption and children who were adopted and mistreated. Some officials and individuals in Ethiopia believe it would be better for Ethiopian children to remain in Ethiopian orphanages than to be adopted internationally. And while we certainly agree that domestic adoption should be emphasized and encouraged among Ethiopians, this isn't an overnight fix and the children stuck waiting in orphanages shouldn't be left there to wait this change out.

When I think about the last few months and how we were led to adopt one of the strongest memories that comes to mind was from a wise friend who told me it was all about the process, regardless of the end results. Even in such a short period of time, I certainly agree. Over the last few months we've come much closer to eachother, had amazing conversations with family and friends and most importantly strengthened our relationship with God. In an extreme way, adoption really forces you to put every aspect of the process in God's control. In so doing, it challenged us to think about other aspects of our life that are more common and comfortable that we may or may not let God have control of.

Pray also for us as we continue to seek the Lord in this process and understand if this is a door closing for us at this time or if this just the first of many scary times in this process where we need to trust God's plan for us and his timing. We pray that he makes our next steps clear for us.

Thanks for all your love and support friends! We'll update more when we know.

Link with info from our agency: http://adoptedbydesign.typepad.com/blog/2014/01/fast-pray-for-ethiopias-orphans-january-9-11.html

Ethiopia Adoption: Paperwork Updates

Happy October! Pumpkin time :) Of course we didn't pick the traditional orange pumpkins but we found this little creature and we painted it:

So, the paperwork is pretty intense but surprisingly not as bad as I imagined at this point. I'm sure it will get worse ;) We've sent back about 80% of the paperwork they need for our home-study. Then there are various things we have to wait for like background checks, driving records, child abuse registries, etc. But we were fingerprinted and sent all of the requests in. So that is probably where we will see a big wait as we have to wait for records to be checked and then sent back. Going through this I have so much empathy for military families who decide to adopt as you need all sorts of background info etc. from every state you've lived in!

We also started our first online class that we need to complete, it's called "Because They Waited" and it is through Heart of the Matters Seminars. We just finished it this weekend after watching a module every few nights around midnight when we finally had a minute to slow down. They've talked about the consequences on brain development for children that spend time in less-than-optimal care and what can be done for these kiddos when they come home. There are so many really simple things you'd normally never pay attention to, or that traditional parenting books would tell you never to do, that you have to consider and do when you have an adoptive child. I can't decide if it's harder as first-time parents or an added benefit because we're starting with a clean slate and don't really have our previous experiences we'll have to either change or adapt. Probably both.

One of the saddest things they were talking about is how some children came come home and can be extremely quiet, "out-of-it," or seemingly complacent.  One woman gave an example of how everyone told her how great her baby was because she was so quiet and didn't make a peep, however now when she looks back she realizes that that was how her baby was panicking by disassociating and just being "quiet." To think of a little teeny one internalizing all of their fear and knowing that crying is useless since they aren't used to having their needs met is really heartbreaking! At our orientation (more about this later) we were told a story about walking into an orphanage that was completely quiet and what a terrible experience this was. If you think about how unnatural that would be, and what that really means, it makes my stomach hurt. :( 

We're about to start another seminar which is actually free through the month of November for anyone to take, and if any family members or friends want to take it, you should think about it. They are offering it for free for November which is National Orphan Awareness Month. You can find it here. After our online seminars are finished, we  have to read a book and answer a few questions about it: The Connected Child. 

Last but not least, we talked earlier about how this adoption process is really a chance for us to share our faith in God and His hand in this process and that has been really awesome these past few weeks. Whether it be friends, family, colleagues, etsy-friends (yes they get their own category) or whatever, we've had some really great conversations with people when they ask us why we're adopting. We've had people say, "you know I didn't have the courage to do it, but I'm really going to pray about it now," or "even though we don't know eachother outside of a professional environment, could you email me and let me know your story and whatever you want to share - I really want to know more," or "I totally believe in God and his plan for you and I'm so glad I can talk with you about this now, never realized I could." Honestly, probably 2 out of 3 people have said something of the sort to us and that has been really awesome to experience.

Ethiopia Adoption: The Paper Chase Begins!

Wow! We met our family coordinator who will be our contact helping us through the adoption process, she seems great and emailed us a very long email of things we need to do now.

They say this paper chasing process takes anywhere from 4-6 months to complete, now I can see why! The paperwork that we compile over the next few months is called the "dossier" and includes all kinds of vital records, financial information, personal information and our homestudy. As soon as the paperwork is complete and approved we then begin our wait. It's estimated that it will take between 30-36 months to receive a referral for a child, and that is AFTER we submit the dossier to the Ethiopian government. So we could be at the 4 year mark! But that's ok :) I love the intro page and what it says: Welcome to the "Paper Pregnancy!"

For now we are both ordering our passports and new copies of our birth certificates and beginning to read over all of the forms. We also registered for our first online class that we're required to take.

We knew there would be a lot of paperwork, but with everything being online these days, you really just don't understand how much until you print it out. This gave us such awareness at how quickly things can be done now with the internet. Imagining a million face-to-face visits and picking up documents and bringing them back, etc. sounds crazy!

Our binder is already full with over 200 pages of documents to sign and go over...also yes, that is a bear-skin rug coaster for my pitcher of orange juice :)

In other news... we were talking about how we really didn't know anyone who has adopted a child and specifically from Ethiopia. Later that day a friend messaged me introducing us to a close friend of hers that adopted a child from Ethiopia and is in the process again now, so that was wonderful timing on God's part! We have to attend an orientation at our agency and we'll hopefully meet other families in our area adopting at that time also.

We also received such kind words and encouragement from close friends (and also those who we don't stay in touch with that often) at just the right moments when we needed it. Including a note that said this:

I just finished reading 1 Peter and chapter 5 verse 2a says, "Be shepherds of God's flock that is under
your care, watching over them not because you must, but because you are willing."

Perfect.


Next step: awesome self-pics when we turn in each and every single piece of paperwork. One "selfie" per form, get ready friends!! On a more serious note, we'll be posting what we are required to read and watch in case any family or friends want to read or watch along with us and know what we are learning and discussing. 

Ethiopia Adoption: Telling Family & Friends

We've received such positive support in expected and unexpected ways from family and friends, and are feeling really confident in our decision to make this journey public. In all honesty though, and I wonder if this is the same for other adoptive parents, we've really received confirmation and strength in some of the negative responses we've received.

We knew we would receive negative reactions for a variety of reasons, having read a lot about others' experiences, and as people who always like to please others it's difficult for us not to quickly fight back with the intention of "winning people over." What negative reactions have helped us see is first, where our hearts truly lie. Where previously we may have sought to win the hearts of our friends and family, this isn't our priority. We won't feel fulfilled personally or spiritually, to know that we have logicially and philosophically settled all differences in regards to views on adoption. It's not what we set out to do, we aren't policy makers or negotiators here. We truly feel called by God to adopt our first child and we are 100% stepping out in our faith to do so. Attempting to rationalize and reason with others would be fruitless, even if we think we could "convince" or "win them over." When we stepped out in faith to do this, this meant (and still means) that we don't have all of the answers and we don't know the ultimate plan. For us to conquer every fear regarding finances and logistics, or draft a pros-and-cons list to provide confirmation, counters our original purpose. We would essentially be telling our friends, "we trust in the Lord to open and close doors and to guide us through this process, however we have back up plans in case He falls through." 

I can only hope that other adoptive families that read this, or really or anyone stepping out in faith in any aspect of their life, have the courage and strength to stand firm in their faith and not feel required to justify or calm others worries that they really aren't able to do. You won't look  "stupid" or "immature" if your answer to others' concerns is "we're stepping out in faith and trusting in the Lord to provide during this process." In fact, quite the contrary. 

We're supposed to be assigned our family coordinator this week which is exciting! 

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding" Proverbs 3:5
"Therefore, let us no longer criticize one another. Instead decide never to put a stumbling block or pitfall in your brother's way." Romans 14:13

Ethiopia Adoption: Paper Flower Walls...to Africa?!

September 8, 2013 was our one year wedding anniversary! Time has gone by so incredibly fast and when we stop and think about where we are now and what we're up to its amazing at how perfect God's plans are.

This blog, for instance, has been a random assortment of our activities -seeming to change focus every few months from wedding planning, to Sunday school crafts, to paper flowers and the start of my Etsy shop, and also our travel adventures. This time it's going to take a different turn and that's to tell the story of our journey to adopt from Africa.

WHHAAAATTTTTTT?!!!!

Yup. How cool, right?! We think so. I know right, everyone is bummed to see the posts on paper flowers go, worry not my friends - they will continue to exist and with a vengence as we hope my Etsy store will be a great fundraising source for our mission.

Let's rewind back to our first wedding anniversary. I think the Lord has a funny thing with timing as I honestly think at the exact hour and minute of our anniversary I was utterly overwhelmed with the feeling that I wanted a baby. For those of you that know me, you know I love babies and children, but this time was different. This time it hurt. I can't exactly put into words how it "hurt" but it was so overwhelming that it made me step back and really take some time in prayer to figure out why I was so overcome with this, and in such an unfamiliar way. I started saying things to Andrew, when we were off galavanting in Colonial Williamsburg looking at sheep and horses, etc. you know, all the usual things, about how this would be such a fun place to raise a kid. He agreed, but noted that the timing really wasn't that optimal as he was only a few weeks into Law School - ok, yes, obviously not that optimal. So I tried to squish those feelings away by looking at all of my friends' kids on Facebook, kidding - no I'm not kidding, especially our two year old neice taking Ballerina lessons - I mean COME ON! However, again, for those of you that know me you'll know it's really hard for me to let something go and not get obsessed! I did an OK job, but even when I would bring up the idea of having a kid to Andrew something about it wouldn't feel quite right inside and he would point out, again, that he just spent the last 14 straight hours reading about torts, (whatever they are, some fancy dessert or something.) And I would always agree that the timing wasn't optimal - but I'd be so confused about why my heart really just said "do it" but my mind really said no to having a biological child.

A week later I talked to him again and asked why he thought this was so overwhelming for me, I'd get really emotional about it without warning. Again - for those of you that know me, I didn't even cry on my wedding day, no tears here. But all of the sudden, WHAM. All the time. I'd pray about "letting things go" and being patient. One morning, I honestly can't remember what morning or what caused it, but I woke up and I was 100% positive that I wanted to adopt a baby from Africa. And, I didn't feel that just I was called to do this, I felt called that Andrew and I as a team were specifically designed to do this. We've spent a lot of time loving on others' little ones through Sunday School and coaching and we've watched eachother and really gotten to know eachother in our first year of marriage through teaching and coaching the little ones.

I thought for sure over the next few weeks that I would start to question this decision, however I became more convicted as everything around us seemed to fall into place. To watch Andrew pray about this and consider this during the most stressful time in his life was awesome. He would take whatever few minutes of the day he had that wasn't consumed with highlighting to think and to pray. I didn't expect this to happen quickly. Trust me, I wanted this to happen quickly, but I did NOT expect this to happen quickly. I thought we honestly wouldn't submit any pre-application or info packet materials until after finals first semester, if we ever did. Well on 9/29/2013 we were in Target and I was doing my usual "Oh, you know I don't really need anything else just need to go check for, you know,...the CLEARANCE AISLES that always have amazing things for .98 cents or something." And he looked at me and was like "listen Jacqueline if you want to fill out an application for this baby you better get OUT of the clearance aisles." I just looked at him and pretended it wasn't a big deal. But my mind was like "woah, he just casually joked about this - he's IN!"

We got into the car after checking out and I starting eating my 10lb bucket of peanut-butter filled pretzels when Andrew all of the sudden said "I'm ready to fill out the application, we are supposed to do this, we are meant to do this." And I THREW all of my peanut butter pretzels in the air, yelled CONFETTI! and we were both so excited! This is actually not a joke, I did this. We went to vaccuum out my car the next day at the gas station. I asked "are you sure" about 1,000 times. But it's such a great thing to know that he prayed about it, found his answer and to know that we didn't make the decision to do this independently- we each made the decision to listen to the Lord, and pretty quickly I'd say.

So, now here we are and we've applied and were accepted to an Ethiopia Program. We've already received 9 forms to fill out, and since Andrew's a month into law school we totally understand the binding legal contracts ;). We also are very aware of the finances involved with adoption, but we recognize that the harder it is to let go of a worry the harder you lean on the Lord - and that's a fair tradeoff, right? ;) The Lord takes all of our worries and stress and also provide for us, how awesome. Something from last week's message at our service spoke to me, Luke 12:34 "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." If someone looked at our credit card bill or our recent transactions in our checking account, would they be able to tell what we cared about? Netflix, clothes, eating fancy dinners? It put our finances into perspective. We know adoption is expensive, but we know that in stepping out in faith on this, things will proceed exactly as their supposed to.

We are normally really private people, so know that this is huge for us to put out there in the blog-o-sphere and more generally, the world, so early. This process will probably take about 36-40 months, which is a lifetime away (and hopefully after law school), but we feel that this is something worth sharing and updating as we go through the process. I've read so many amazing blogs that have really helped us understand the process and what to expect (if you can really even be prepared.) Also, Andrew and I feel that this is a really great way for people to witness God's role in this process. We aren't really vocal Christians who go out on missions, stand on the street corner, pass out Bibles or information to strangers - and sometimes not even to our friends when we really should, but our faith is a huge part of who we are and we feel that this adoption process is God's vehicle to help us share our faith with those we know, and those we don't know.

We're excited for what he has in store, and yes - even if that means this doesn't work out, because that's always a chance as well.  Adoption is a completely new thing for many of our friends and families so please be kind and realize we've already started this, no changing our minds now.

Thanks for your love and prayers we'll keep you updated!

Pure and undefiled religion before our God and Father is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself unstained by the world.  James 1:27